


I don't know what I did wrong

by tasibi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst?, Comfort/Angst, Fluff, Gen, I am proud of this work, Klance Klance, Lansgt, Mind Meld, My back hurts, Self-Acceptance, Trans Lance, lil bit of Self-Doubt, unsupportive mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-05 17:10:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11582517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasibi/pseuds/tasibi
Summary: The team finds out a couple things about Lances life when Allura forced them to wear the mind melds





	1. What could have gone wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking for something like this and when I didn't see it I wrote it myself!
> 
> Take it
> 
> Just, take it

It was just was one of those days, one of those days where Lance was left alone with his depressive and intrusive thoughts, they would gang up on him as if he was some weak emo teen and they were bullies, tormenting him until he could no longer hear the reassuring words from his mother and father, until all he could feel was a numbing sensation spreading through his body.

_Worthless._

_Useless._

_Cant do anything right._

_Be more like Keith._

_Failure._

Yep, Just another one of those days.

But Lance would favor no one would go snooping through his head when he felt like this, but by some cruel twist of fate, that was today's bonding exercise.Ouch

* * *

 

"Paladins, since our last battle I have noticed you were off in coordination and lacking immensely in teamwork" She then quickly glanced at Lance "And Lance, you need to learn how to take things seriously"

_Ouch, That hurt,_

_"_ Sure can do, princess~" He replied, not letting his mask slip off

"Coran, can you please retrieve the mind-meld machines?" She asked the ginger haired alien

Lances comment was ignored.

"Of course!" Coran then proceeded to dash of to a nearby storage room, and while he did so Allura thought it was a good time to set ground rules for using the machines.

"The mind melds were originally used as a peaceful way to interrogate prisoners, but it can also be used to see into ones memories, that is why my father, Alfor, used it as a bonding exercise for the paladins. The machines will connect you to memories that would further strengthen your bond"Lance visibly gulped, he didn't want his team to know of his depression, not at least until he told them all (Save for Hunk, he helps Lance with Panic attacks). Coran followed suit with his order and came back with odd looking head pieces, (Coincidentally, there were 5 head pieces) The Altean then led them all into position, which was sitting criss cross applesauce in a circle, he then gave simple instructions on how to attach the machines to their heads, Lance was hesitant, but he didn't want to come off as weird so he did put it on anyway. Allura counted to 3 and then clicked some button on a piece of machinery .

First up, was Pidge. Their memories were filled with days of laughing and pranking people with her brother, Matt Holt. It then showed Pidge infiltrating the Garrison to find out more about the Kerberos mission, their life at that moment was filled with grief and dread at the lose of a sibling and brother. The memories they passed were filled with teasings and funny banter as the trio of Hunk, Pidge, and Lance would cause trouble all around the school (It was mostly Pidge and Lance because Hunk is a sweetheart) The last memory was when the discovered Green and their emotions were boosted high with adrenaline as they swerved and flew through the sky.

Second, was Shiro. A difference from Shiro's memories was that most of it was spent in solitude- in a prisoner cell. Each scene was filled with horror, and pain and misery, blurs passed by and Lance assumed those were the memories that Shiro couldn't remember. There was single memory that stood out from the rest, it was of a child Keith zooming around the room as a teenage Shiro held the child up high, pretending they were an airplane, that moment was filled with happiness and joy, Lance could almost hear Hunk croon at the scene.

Third was Keith, it showed days of  Keith lying aimlessly around until Shiro would come in and Kieth would  _smile,_ something none of the paladins had seen before, as he would race to Keith. Garrison days of grief, anger, disbelief carried on after Shiro was declared "missing" by the Garrison. Then it showed Keith winning his first solo battle against the Galra and Shiro praising him for his good works. 

Fourth was Hunk, most of his memories were with Lance, a lanky teen who was growing into his limbs, cooking and dancing to Shakira. And to everyones surprise, Lance was the one comforting and reassuring Hunk when he had a panic attack for the first time. The days were spent happily spending time in the summer, even a few Garrison days as well, though there was a memory that stuck out the most to the team.

_lance sat on Hunks twin sized bed, eagle spread as he read one of the new issues of his new favorite manga, Haikyuu. Hunk had been silently watching a documentary on "5 new techniques to try while cooking!" as he nibbled on a cookie when Lance spoke._

_"Hey Hunk"_

_"Yeah?" Lance then turned back right side up and was staring at Hunk_

_"Do you have my binder I left when we went to the Hot springs in Japan?"_

_"Yeah, its in the the bin to your right" Hunk replied_ _nonchalantly_

_"Umm, Hunk?"_

_"Mhmm?"_

_"Can you help me tie it in the back" Lance whispered sheepishly which, almost automatically, Hunk stood to tie the black binders back side, which he did with ease as if hes done it a hundred times._

_"Thanks Hunk, what would I do without you"_   
  


_"Yep, want some peanut butter cookies, mom made some last night" Lance became visibly brighter._

_"Heck Yeah!"_

Fifth was Lance, he knew he was a goner as Hunks memories finished and the machine  _had_ to choose the worst memory to start with. The memory was set in a 2 floor family house, there was a family of twelve bursting with energy as some spoke tales in Spanish and some tried to speak in English. 

_"Carlos, don't  touch it, you already ate half of it!" The child -who was probably 8- giggled , letting black hair frame their face as all too familiar blue eyes shined as they laughed_

_"Hijo, listen to your hermana!" An older women ordered, though it wasn't in any way mean, her brown eyes seemed filled with determination and pride, though there was no father present_

_"Gomen, Mama" Shima snickered, laughing as their mother was confused for a moment what he said then caught on._

_"Shima, why are you teaching your brother japonés, I mean, its good to know the language but it is confusing if he switches between ingles, Espanol, and japonés"_

_Leila clapped her hands together to gather the attention of the other 9 children and her mother_

_"Listen, Mama, I-I" She took a deep breath "Im- Im Transgender"_

 

_Silence_

_And then Carlos broke it_

_"Okey dokey, Leila-'_

_"Lance" She-_ He corrected.

" _Okay Lance" The 8 year old seemed unfazed and that got him a few looks from the eldest sister Mary, but the 2nd eldest child, Cleo, spoke up._

_"You are you, and we love you no matter what- and this wont change that-" Cleo was cut off as their mother slammed their hands into the table"_

_" **No."** was all she said before 30 minutes later, she arrived with a luggage full of belongings, Lances belongings_

_"Mama, que estas haciendo?!?" The older women shoved Lance away from the table, and handed Lance his luggage as she pointed to the door.  
_

_" **Leave.** " There was so much spite in his mothers voice it was recognizable, Cleo stood up and began to yell at their mother as they tried to defend Lance, but his mother dragged him to the door and shut the door on Lance, leaving him paralyzed._

More memories rolled by of Lance coming to Hunk about his mothers reaction, Hunk offering for him to stay at his place. Hunk helping Lance get his first binder, deciding on a new name because Leila wouldn't do it anymore. Hunk sitting by Lances side as he went to the doctors for testosterone, them getting Lance a haircut because he wanted shorter hair. And then Hunk trying to soothe Lance when he found him in the bathroom, cutting.

It was all too much.

It hurt.

Lance ripped off the helmet piece and stormed off.

 

* * *

 

 

 


	2. A Pained Melody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Que Team comforting*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to split the final chapter into two pieces.
> 
> Sorry it took so long!

The team looked in shock as their blue paladin stormed off, flush visible on the boys cheeks. Lance fled the scene, throwing the mind meld device to the ground and slamming the doors shut. The teams cheeks were all red with embarrassment, they felt as if they had intruded into something personal (Except Hunk, he was blushing because he was embarrassed he would let a memory like that slip. When Lance Oh-so-clearly made his point he didn't want to tell the team he was Trans)

The first one to break the tension was, surprisingly, Keith. The red paladin stood and, with a stoic expression, he shuffled his way over to the shut door and uttered a few words to the team before leaving.

"Just- wait"

* * *

 

Keith slowly trudged over to Lances room, a million thoughts racing through his head,  _What would he say to him? What if he said the wrong thing? What if... I fail as a teammate- no,_ friend.

Before he knew it, he was in the front of his "rivals"room, he slowly pressed his palm to the scanner, his identity being recognized and himself being let in. He had gone through similar times when he was still coming to the reality with his sexuality, and he knew that he wished he hadn't shut everyone out (By everyone he means the Shirogone family) He could have used some help during that. Luckily, Shiro saw past his facade and helped him through the denial, now 18 he had finally managed to accept his sexuality, and then he was told he was Galra.

So, Yes, he had a slim understanding of what Lance had gone through. The blue paladin had once gone through denial, then acceptance, and then rejection from his mother, the woman who had sworn to love him no matter what.

When the metal slide door slid open Keith felt he was going to hurl. Lance was curled into a ball at the corner of his bed, sheets covering his head as he screamed and screamed, tears running down his tanned face, his hair was an absolute mess. It appeared that he had tried to yank it out, the boy was mumbling something, too low to be coherent but from the tone of whispering he could tell they were assurances to himself.

Keith recognized all these signs as something that could lead to a panic attack -if he wasn't already having one- So, he quietly crawled over to Lance, the bed filling under its new added weight. Keith's fingers brushed against the blue paladins chin, making the latter half and look into the red paladins eyes.

And all of a sudden, their eyes met, Violet and Blue, entertwining into a flurry of colors, dancing around each other as Blue wept and Violet became Red, and Red and Blue wept together.

Keith's arm trailed up Lances chin and he stared Blue right in the eyes as he cupped the Cubans face.

"You are worth so much more than you think, we love you,-" He gulped " _I_ love you, and this won't change that"

The Cubans eyes watered, puffy eyes spilling even more tears. He embraced Keith, mumbling "I love you"(s) and "Thank you"(s) as if it were some sort of mantra.

"Do you want to talk about it with the team, yet?" The Korean glanced at Lance, said boy only nuzzled deeper into Keith's chest. The black haired male let out a sigh and curled up into a more comfortable position, Lance now laying at the side of him while arms and legs attached to each other like puzzle pieces.

"I'll wait" He managed to slurr out before he was embraced by the call of sleeps song.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated!


	3. Rom coms and acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is comforted and the team has a rom com move night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this, trans Lance is a character I adore and Im so so glad I actually put this idea into play!

When Lance woke up he was extremely confused, first of all he was still in his clothes from the previous day, and second.. there was an extra sleeping figure cradling him. His heart sped up, he was pretty sure that Keith would wake up because of how loud the organ was thumping. He inhaled, trying to calm his poor racing heart. The memories of the other day hit him like a truck.. and an airplane.. falling at the wind speeds of a 5th level hurricane.., yesterday just wasn't his day, ok? Though, getting Keith to cradle him was so worth it, but now he had to face the team, and he did  _not_ want to spill his insecurities to the team. He groaned, the sound making the red paladin move, and in a half sleep delirious state, he pulled Lance closer. Nope, nope, he wouldn't die from a epic battle in a epic battle with Lotor, he would die because Keith's face  _is too cute while sleeping and it should be illegal in space and earth to have that cute of a sleeping face._

The red paladin stilled, eye lids with those illegal looking eyelashes slowly opening. His eyes immediately sharpened as he realized where he was and he slowly got off the bed he and Lance were cuddling in. Lance groaned and stealthily retreated to the bathroom to get something more comfortable and less restricting. Keith waited patiently on the bed, and Lance totally didn't compare him to a labrador for a moment.

"So..." Lance cringed at how awkward the word came out, Keith seemed unfazed.

"When we walk out that door.." Lance whipped his head around to listen to Keith "The team will probably smother you with love and Pidge will start shipping us" Lance giggled at how he had perfected the teams reactions in his head, Keith was pretty observant and when he became close to someone he rivaled Lance in his way to observe them, he had also noticed Lance was off but he thought it was homesickness and tried to comfort him by asking Hunk to make something equivalent to Empanadas, he thought he did his part but it obviously wasn't enough.

"Mhmm" Lance clenched his fists to his side. "So, what about you and me?" Keiths face tinged with red, Lance would be lying if he said it wasn't adorable. 

"Y-Yes..?" Lance could see the anxiety of being rejected painted on his pale face, he had made that face before coming out, he didn't reassure Keith with words and instead swooped in elegantly  ~~not~~ and gave Keith a light peck on the cheek.

"There, you can get more of this handsome bod after we get this sorted through!" Keith snorted

"Theres the Lance I know and love" Lance looked at him in shock before he gave Keith a shit eating grin.

"Love, ehh?"

"Shut up! We are technically boyfriends now so I can say that!" Keiths face returned to its red color. 

Lance chucked, some of the anxiety of confrontation ebbing away "Alright, lets kick some "Talk-about-your-feelings"'s Butt!"

* * *

 

The silence was deafening, no one wanted to speak, but they had to, Pidge was first.

"I am so so sorry for snooping deeper!" Pidge had been berating theirself saying it was their fault because they wanted to go deeper into their friends memory. Lance gently pat them on the back, a soft smile graced Lances lips. He turned back to the team "I do not want pity, I do understand you feeling sad about my past but I wouldn't want my past to make you feel sad.It happened, I excepted it, and then I moved on, with or without my mothers approval. This does not change who I am just because you found out more about me, that past was always with me and I still trekked on." The team nodded in understanding, they dispersed to take advantage of their free time to do personal things, leaving Keith and Lance alone.

"Y'kow.." Keith dragged out his speech for a bit before detaching his focus from the constellation map and onto Lances big blue ocean colored eyes. "I'm so proud of you for speaking like that.."Keith's jawline was framed by the light blue hue the observatory made, framing his face. He cupped Lances face, kissing Lance softly and gently, showing true love through every second he kissed the blue paladin. Lance smiled, tucking his chin underneath the red paladins chin and sat in his lap.  
  


The next few days were pretty awkward, so to ease out the tension Hunk had planned to binge watch sappy Altean rom coms. The all sat in the "chill room" as Lance had dubbed it, by the 5th movie the only ones still awake were the mice and Lance. He smiled, tucking himself into his boyfriends side and snuggling his way closer to the couches edge. He scanned the room, eyes welling with tears as he remembered everyone treating him the same, normally, even going out of their way to make him feel more comfortable by a rom com movie binge watching day. he shut his eyes slowly.

In another time Leila would have pleaded as she hugged Hunk closer, screaming "I don't know what I did wrong!"

But now, surrounded by the people he loved. Lance knew he did nothing wrong. He let his eyelids shut, warmth surrounding him.

He did nothing wrong, he excepted himself and his sexuality, he did nothing wrong.

A huge boulder seemed to have been removed from his shoulders, and that night he fell asleep feeling lighter than he had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus~
> 
> "You know" Lance got up from his spot on the couch, everyone had left by now to attend to Hunks annual cooking show. Keith glanced up at Lance from where he was reading.
> 
> "That was the second time you cradled me in your arms" Keith's face flushed immediately, then dawned in realization.
> 
> "So you DO remember!" Keith pounced at the blue paladin, book forgotten in the corner.  
> Lance mimicked a zipping motion on his mouth "I never uttered such words"
> 
> "LANCE!!"  
> Bonus~End
> 
> Thats a rap ppl! I rlly enjoyed writing this! and I hope you enjoyed it too!  
> Also, lances insecurities do NOT go away just like that! He still has them, but the team and Keith try their best to help him.
> 
> Seeya later!  
> ~Tasi

**Author's Note:**

> This is not proof read
> 
> Comments are appreciated!


End file.
